The last day of the year and PG and I are warming up to spend it with some amazing friends. You know the friends you have who always lift you up and make the world seem so much brighter even when you are feeling so blue? Yep, those ones. We have at least seven coming to our house with a few more people thrown in who will become new friends and we are going to party like it's... 2013.
On the anniversary of the fifth month of the official wait, we will forget for just a moment that we are desperately waiting to find out whether Chile has matched us with a child or children and just live in the moment. It's New Year's Eve after all and we are sick and tired of always feeling like something is missing. Because there is nothing missing... really there isn't. We have so much to be thankful for in this little life of ours and we need to start drinking it all in. We all do.
So this NYE, please realise what you have in your life that makes you happy and live it. Find those little things that bring a smile to your dial and keep making it happen. Spend it with the ones who bring you joy, laughter and a whole lot of love. You deserve wonderful things because you are awesome.
It's been a while and I wish I could tell you that I haven't blogged since September 2013 because we've been so busy preparing for our kids. Unfortunately, I can't. Life has rolled on as per usual (with a few hiccups in between - blog posts coming soon) and no good news has come our way - yet.
It feels wrong not to hope that it will happen soon but it's hard to keep teasing our hearts with supposed timelines. In July, we were told that we had a timeline of 3-4 months between Chile accepting our file and making an allocation. This was made on the wait for another couple in Australia who actually had the same time frame. We had a new precedence in Oz - much shorter than its predecessor of 3 years. However, it is now almost five months since that phone call and we've received nothing. I originally scoffed at the short wait and thought about February 2014. That month - the month of love to many - sounded just about right. However, my heavy heart isn't very confident.
So, PG and I just keep walking hand-in-hand together wishing that we each were holding the little hand of our future children. We often talk about the 'what ifs' but those dreams seem so far away... and are usually accompanied by tears. For a while we stop talking about it because it is just too hard but it doesn't take long for the fire to ignite in our bellies again, especially when we get together with other waiting-parents and our dream brightens once more.
This time of year is super difficult but we are trying so bloody hard to stay positive and happy. Just be mindful of us when it looks as if we are struggling to cope with yet another Christmas without our hijos.
On the last day of each month, PG and I mark the calendar. One more month down.
The wait takes on a new appearance when you know an approximate timeline. Today, we are halfway there. That is, if SENAME allocates a sibling group to us. If they only allocate a single older child, then we might only be a third or quarter of the way to receiving that phone call.
It's taken me a while to articulate this post even though it happened in July. But I felt it was something I needed to get out of my system. I had to share it. For those of you not in the adoption process, it might just give you an idea of the pain that this wait can be for us 'waiting' parents and give you some insight into why some of my earlier posts are filled with anguish and frustration.
The other night, I almost had a melt-down. In the car. While driving from Sizzler, of all places, with my two exuberant nephews in the back and PG sitting next to me in the passenger seat.
It was one of those sneak-up-on-you-when-you-least-expect-it moments that grab you by the heart strings and pull so tight that you think you might die. From the pain of the pure joy you are experiencing. Right there in that ten minute car ride from the all-you-can-eat buffet to home with two boys you adore.
Who'd have thought that loud raucous laughter, music cranked to the highest volume you have ever had it in this car and hilarious quotes from the nephews could ever make you feel like crawling into the foetal position and crying your heart out for that which you do not yet have? I know, I didn't believe it possible either. Until then.
"People will think we are P-platers with the music this loud!" the older one yells through LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem as he begins to slide the window down.
We were almost at the boys' house to celebrate the younger one's eighth birthday with a huge fighter jet cake made by his mum when I wanted to lose my shit. Smiling through the huge tears welling up in my eyes, I pretended nothing was wrong and kept soaking in the moment.
Dreaming that one day, this would be us. Our family. In this car. Laughing loudly at something one of the kids had said, singing and dancing to an iPod cranked to full volume and loving every minute of it.
Tomorrow afternoon, PG and I are heading to the doctor. Don't worry. We are all good. Fighting fit, actually. However, we need to prove this once again for Adoption Services.
Every two years, PG and I have to have another 'medical' assessment as part of the process to remain on the Suitable Adoptive Parent Register here in Queensland. So we will go to our GP, who will look us up and down, check our BMI, ask the same questions about our health as she did 24 months ago, fill out the same four pages from the 10 page document once more and sign on the dotted line.
Then, we send the paperwork to AS (Adoption Services), where the AS doctor will review our medical forms, make a judgement about our health and either give us the okay or seek more information before saying 'No deal.' Not that that will happen as both PG and I are healthy, minus on-going gut issues post-Peru but that certainly isn't a deal breaker.
Our only wish is that we never have to have to do this ever again. But that won't happen until we get 'the call'. So cross fingers that an allocation happens for us before 2015.
Today marks the first month anniversary of our official acceptance in the Chile-Australia adoption program. How exciting! It still feels a little surreal but at least we know that this kid-thing could actually happen. We just don't know when. And that is the part that is the hardest to deal with.