Monday, 2 September 2013

How LMFAO made me cry

It's taken me a while to articulate this post even though it happened in July. But I felt it was something I needed to get out of my system. I had to share it. For those of you not in the adoption process, it might just give you an idea of the pain that this wait can be for us 'waiting' parents and give you some insight into why some of my earlier posts are filled with anguish and frustration. 

The other night, I almost had a melt-down. In the car. While driving from Sizzler, of all places, with my two exuberant nephews in the back and PG sitting next to me in the passenger seat.

It was one of those sneak-up-on-you-when-you-least-expect-it moments that grab you by the heart strings and pull so tight that you think you might die. From the pain of the pure joy you are experiencing. Right there in that ten minute car ride from the all-you-can-eat buffet to home with two boys you adore.

Who'd have thought that loud raucous laughter, music cranked to the highest volume you have ever had it in this car and hilarious quotes from the nephews could ever make you feel like crawling into the foetal position and crying your heart out for that which you do not yet have? I know, I didn't believe it possible either. Until then.

"People will think we are P-platers with the music this loud!" the older one yells through LMFAO's Party Rock Anthem as he begins to slide the window down.

We were almost at the boys' house to celebrate the younger one's eighth birthday with a huge fighter jet cake made by his mum when I wanted to lose my shit. Smiling through the huge tears welling up in my eyes, I pretended nothing was wrong and kept soaking in the moment.

Dreaming that one day, this would be us. Our family. In this car. Laughing loudly at something one of the kids had said, singing and dancing to an iPod cranked to full volume and loving every minute of it.

1 comment:

  1. ah yes we've been there. heaps of times it happened to us. Sometimes it was at public places when I saw kids being happy and other times it was when we were with our nephews and niece. Sucks big time. :hug:


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